College Football Bottom 10 after Week 13 – Rollover, Flood

Inspirational thought of the week:

I have a lot to be grateful for
I don’t have a yacht that big
Sailing from shore to shore

However, there is much for which I can be grateful
I have a lot to be grateful for
No private car, no caviar
No carpet on my floor
However, there is much for which I can be grateful

I have eyes to see
Ears to hear
Arms to hug
Lips to kiss
Someone to adore

How could anyone ask for more?

– “I have a lot to be grateful for,” Bing Crosby

Here at Bottom 10’s headquarters, located behind the giant tank where Jen Lada stores our collective tears streaming down our faces as we watch her “College GameDay” features, there in the regular season, so in With only one weekend left of our Bottom 10 season, we’re feeling pensive.

As we approach this week’s Thanksgiving celebrations, think about a season that has given us so much to be thankful for.

Think about a calendar that, like Tuesday night, gave us so much weeknight #MACtion action that it didn’t just interrupt family dinners (“Dad, stop watching the Holy Toledo-Akronmonious game, I’m trying.” telling you that it’s me “Failed math!”) but also completely messed up our own top 10 math because we’re lazy and want to hand in our rankings early and go to bed.

Thinking about a #Bottom10Nation of eyewitness reporters who drop in from games every Saturday, even if they seem to be the only people there.

I do a few things #Bottom10 Committee work for @ESPNMcGee while the Minute Rice Owls take on You A Bee. pic.twitter.com/6tU91FUSYL

— Scott Shinbaum (@Scoots71) November 23, 2024

Reflecting on a year in which the rest of the College Football Playoff-obsessed nation has argued over who’s in, who’s out, and who’s getting screwed worse than an Ikea bookshelf, we’ve widened ours instead Eyeballs on our top 10 graduates who have tried to wade into this conversation, as my cousin Jenny will do on Thursday. “Did you try my butternut raisin potato broccoli bars?” “Who did you vote for?!”

Remember the days when UNLV was unLv, Tulane was Too Lame and Colorado was Colo-rah-duh. Now they are no longer in the bottom 10, but in the top 25.

And that makes us think about ourselves. To think about the person we see when we look into the perfectly polished glass of Jen Lada’s teardrop aquarium. To tell, wait…is there a piece of broccoli from Cousin Jenny’s bars stuck in our teeth?

With apologies to the Virginia Tech Fighting Gobblers (their OG nickname), Concordia College’s Kernel the Cob and Steve Harvey, here are the top 10 rankings after Week 13.

In 2015, one of my best friends had just seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens on opening night with his son, and as they were leaving the theater the boy blurted out, “Oh my God, Dad, I can’t.” Me think Han Solo died!”…as they walked past a line of people waiting for the next performance. In related news, the Golden(plated) Flashes put an early end to the excitement of the Bottom 10 title game on Tuesday night by traveling to the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills and losing. That makes them the first FBS team since 2019 to go winless in a non-COVID season, aka the 2019 Bottom-10 Champions, their nemesis Akronmonious. Although we wish this would last a little longer, there is nothing we can do about it now. Like Han Solo would die.

The Molden Eagles had lost their last two games by a combined score of 95-6, so losing to the South Alabama Redundancies by just 35-14 didn’t feel as bad as expected. It also helped to know that Brett Favre had promised the team a postgame meal flown in from Paris as long as no one asked how he paid for it.

The good news is that the Minuetmen only lost to Georgia by a score of 59-21, meaning they covered the difference. The bad news is that this was only because by the second half, most of the Georgia players were already on the bench in street clothes taking a nap.

The Buttermakers are one of only three teams remaining with one win each in all of FBS football. They will finish the season with the Old Oaken Bucket against Indiana, or as Hoosiers coach Curt Cignetti calls it, the New Golden Cask. And if you don’t see that you’re an idiot because it’s so obvious, you stupid.

Roll Tide Roll. I’m so confident in picking the coveted fifth spot that I’m willing to do it, even though I’m traveling to Tuscaloosa this weekend for Marty & McGee. Under normal circumstances, I would fear for the safety of my Iron Bowl. But this time at least I know Legend from Alabama will cover my back in houndstooth.

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The Alabama superfan is at it again with a passionate reputation

The “Get Up” crew can only sit back in amusement as they react to Alabama superfan “Legend” taking on Kalen DeBoer on “The Paul Finebaum Show.”

The Semi-No’s, who entered September screaming that they were too good for the ACC, earned their second win of the season by defeating then-one-game winner Charleston Southern 41-7, then immediately requested the Membership in the Big South -OVC. In related news, FSU faces Florida this weekend, which screamed at the start of September that it was too good for head coach Billy Napier and was reportedly hiring a more worthy leader in Ole Miss’ Lane Kiffin. The Gators just won their second straight game against a ranked opponent and achieved bowl eligibility…by upsetting Lane Kiffin and Ole Miss.

The coachless Owls – a term that can be applied to all FCS teams known as the Owls – have lost their last three games to an East Carolina team that had just fired its head coach, a Temple team that had fired its head coach had head coach after beating FAU and a Charlotte team that fired its head coach just this week. Now the Owls finish the season at Tulsa, which fired its head coach on Sunday while simultaneously firing their own head coach. Helpful tip for anyone looking to coach for a living: Don’t visit Boca Raton on Thanksgiving.

Speaking of coachless Owls Parliaments: The opponents in Georgia beat not FA (not I)U, but FI (not A)U and picked up their second win of the season. This came right after losing to a team that had earned its second win of the season…

The Minors followed their second win with a 56-0 loss at Tennessee. So who did they get their first win against?

That would be the second-worst football Panthers in the world (we see you, Carolina), who have lost to Kennesaw, UTEP and FA(not I)U but are somehow still behind all three in this poll. How? I don’t know. Maybe because they have good/bad losses and bad/good wins? Because the strength of the schedule doesn’t matter? Because of the omniscient eye test? Tennessee fans, am I writing all this way too early and way too right next to my mention of the volumes in the previous paragraph? And is that vicious knock on my office door just my Knoxville-raised wife, wearing Big Orange and angrily confirming what I just asked?

Waiting list: Whew, State of Mexico, State of Miss Sus Hippie, Temple of Doom, Life in Tulsa, WhyOMGing?, Mess in the State of Tennessee, Not Knowing When to Storm a Field.